美国留学申请中文书修改后的开头方式一定要尽力避免下文中的6种开头，申请美国大学的申请人越来越多，申请竞争越来越激烈，大家精心准备的个人陈述希望成为大家被录取的亮点，而不是成为大家申请成功的绊脚石。

一、重复简历型

I earned my Bachelor of Science degree in … Sciences with a specialization in … in 2002 at … university

点评：美国留学个人陈述不要去重复简历中的东西，这在很多学校的PS要求中明确提到，文书修改要具体到事件上，事件解决上，而不要单纯重复已有的内容。

二、学校介绍型

I am an undergraduate in…University , the largest university anda cradle of scientific and technological talents in China.

点评：该同学的个人陈述开头等于是一个申请学校的简介，这好像是在帮助学校做宣传，或表达你有多了解该学校，而不是写个人陈述了。老外不喜欢没有意义的开头，白白浪费了字数，最容易被秒据掉。

三、抄袭句式型

As a student majoring in Computer Science, I began my odyssey since I entered undergraduate program. Indeed, having entered this splendid computer world, I am more than greedy for something new.

点评：Odyssey 和more than greedy for something new 这种句式不知道是从哪里学到的，很多同学在用。但你要知道，老外最恨抄袭，最喜原创，所以利害关系大家想想吧。

四、救世主型

I am a problem solver. I have an impulse as a kind of instincts to solvevarious problems before me and enjoy doing that. Since I was a little boy, a voice from President Franklin Roosevelt has constantly hovered around my mind, “The world can be changed by man’s endeavor, …

点评：一副救世主的形象，小时候就受富兰克林的影响，立志改变世界。文书修改一定要个人化具体化，别吹大牛，甚至带着一种霸权主义思维。

五、犹抱琵琶型

Making a right decision at the right time is very important for a young people .At present, I have come to a critical point in my life when I have to make a decision concerning my future course of action. Only a perceptive understanding of oneself will enable one to chart his proper action. Aftercarefully thinking, reviewing my life and analyzing my personality, I make the determination and choose to apply for graduate study in XXX. And I choose to specialize in communications which I will pursue a lifelong career.

点评：重点放在自己要做重大决定上了，人生的转折点，然后来上句所谓名言警句。浪费字数，有限的字数里，老外喜欢直接，并且抓住重点，突出自己最有优势的方面，最有特色的方面。

六、言幼稚型

‘Why the gecko can climb on the wall while we can’t-’ ‘Why the leaves turn red in autumn’ ‘How many stars are there in the sky-’ When I was in childhood, I always kept asking my mom all kinds of questions。I am especially interested in how things work, I can even take apart things for several hours in order to find out its principle.

点评：上来就回忆童年少年自己如何有着远大抱负，who cares。个人陈述字数有限，却用这么多话描述童年，没有任何意义。学校想知道你如何看待未来，而不是如何度过过去。

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